Over 1 in 3 decide condolence money amount based on relationship with the deceased; survey also covers etiquette

Are there rules for the amount of condolence money? What were you happy to receive as a return gift for condolence money?

When attending a funeral, preparing "condolence money" is unavoidable.

When it comes time to decide the amount, many people may wonder, "How much is the correct amount to give?" or "Should I change it based on age or status?"

Therefore, in collaboration with "Murata Funeral Home" in Matsuyama City, Ehime Prefecture, we conducted a survey on "return gifts for condolence money" targeting 500 men and women nationwide who responded that they have experience attending funerals in a preliminary survey, and we are pleased to introduce the results published on our site.

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"Condolence Gift Return Etiquette Survey" Overview Survey Method: Internet-based questionnaire Survey Period: May 6, 2026 - May 17, 2026

Target Respondents: Men and women nationwide who responded that they have experience attending funerals in a preliminary survey

Valid Responses: 500 samples Questions: Question 1: How do you decide the amount of condolence money?

Question 2: Please tell us the reason.

Question 3: Is there anything you were happy to receive as a return gift for condolence money?

Question 4: Please tell us what you were happy to receive as a return gift for condolence money and the reason why.

Question 5: Conversely, is there anything you found troublesome or difficult to handle as a return gift for condolence money?

Question 6: Please tell us what you found troublesome as a return gift for condolence money and the reason why.

Question 7: Have you ever been unsure about funeral attire etiquette?

Question 8: How were you unsure?

*In principle, values are rounded to the second decimal place, so the total may not be 100%.

35.8% responded that the amount of condolence money is "decided by the relationship with the deceased (relatives, friends, work colleagues, etc.)"

First, we investigated how the amount of condolence money is decided.

35.8% responded "decided by the relationship with the deceased (relatives, friends, work colleagues, etc.)", and 33.4% responded "refer to the general market price (目安 for region and age, etc.)".

We asked for the reasons behind each decision method and will introduce some of them.

Reasons for deciding by "relationship with the deceased (relatives, friends, work colleagues, etc.)"

- I decide based on the distance of the relationship. (20s, Male)

- For people I'm not close to, my grief isn't that deep, so I don't feel like giving a large amount. (30s, Female)

- If they've helped me or if we have a deep connection, I want to give more out of goodwill. (30s, Female)

- There's a general price range based on the relationship, so I refer to that. (40s, Male)

- I want to give more to close friends. (50s, Female)

- If I set a uniform amount, my heart won't be in it. (60s, Male)

Reasons for "referring to the general market price (目安 for region and age, etc.)"

- I'm not knowledgeable about how to decide the amount. (20s, Female)

- It's the safest option. (30s, Male)

- I want to give the same amount as others. (40s, Male)

- Giving too much might cause trouble for the bereaved family with return gifts, etc. (40s, Male)

- I can't ask people, so I search online. (50s, Female)

- There's a general market price. (60s, Female)

Among those who decided by "relationship with the deceased," many indicated that they wanted to give more money the closer and deeper the relationship.

While also considering the general market price, some voices indicated that they change the amount based on the relationship.

Given the various relationships such as relatives, acquaintances, work connections, and those who have helped them, it may be difficult to set a uniform amount.

Those who "refer to the general market price" gave answers such as adjusting to the market price to avoid being impolite, and wanting to avoid causing trouble to the bereaved family by giving too much.

Some opinions were seen about matching the amount given to neighbors, considering regional differences.

12.8% responded that they "received something they were happy with" as a return gift for condolence money

Next, we investigated whether there was anything received as a return gift for condolence money that made them happy.

12.8% responded "there was something I was happy with," and 87.2% responded "there was nothing I was happy with."

We asked those who received something they were happy with about what it was and the reason why, and will introduce some of them.

What were you happy to receive as a return gift for condolence money, and why?

- When I received a catalog gift and could get a useful item for my daily life. (20s, Female)

- A letter. It was the best way to understand the sender's feelings. (30s, Female)

- I was happy to receive tea. It's something I drink every day, so it's nice. (40s, Male)

- I'm happy with non-perishable food items as return gifts. Such as sweets or drinks. (40s, Male)

- High-quality nori seaweed. It was delicious even eaten as is. I wouldn't buy it myself. (50s, Female)

- Incense. It was helpful when praying. (60s, Male)

Many voices indicated that catalog gifts were appreciated because they allowed the recipient to choose something they liked.

Food items that one wouldn't normally buy are also popular.

Among them, there were also comments about receiving letters, showing the thoughtfulness of the bereaved family.

Conversely, we asked if there was anything received as a return gift for condolence money that caused trouble or was difficult to handle.

9.8% responded "there was."

While most people have not had troublesome experiences, less than 10% have.

What kind of return gifts for condolence money caused trouble?

We asked about the troublesome items and the reasons why, and will introduce some of them.

What were the troublesome return gifts for condolence money, and why?

- Unappetizing sweets. Nobody ate them. (20s, Female)

- Music boxes and decorative clocks were a nuisance. So nowadays, I always include a note in the condolence money envelope saying "Return gift not necessary." (40s, Male)

- Bulky or easily perishable items. (40s, Male)

- Half-price returns for small amounts. (50s, Female)

- Towels and other items that didn't match my taste. (60s, Female)

It seems some people have had the experience of receiving items they didn't like or that were bulky and caused trouble.

Even if you receive food, if it's not something you like, you may not be able to consume it.

Decorative items or bulky items might cause problems with storage or management.

14.6% responded that they "have been unsure about funeral attire etiquette."

Next, we investigated whether there were any uncertainties regarding funeral attire etiquette.

14.6% responded "have been unsure."

We asked about the specific points of uncertainty and will introduce some of them.

How were you unsure about funeral attire etiquette?

- It was my first time for everything, including attire, so I didn't know what was correct. (20s, Female)

- I didn't know what kind of bag to bring. (30s, Female)

- It was sudden, so I couldn't prepare mourning clothes and attended the wake in casual wear. (30s, Male)

- I didn't know which accessories would be considered impolite. (40s, Female)

- What does "casual wear" mean?

- Attire for the memorial service after the funeral. (60s, Male)

There were opinions that for a first funeral, they didn't know anything about attire.

Even if they had mourning clothes, they were unsure about what kind of bag to use or which accessories would be considered impolite.

There were also voices about being unsure about attire for events after the funeral, such as the first anniversary memorial or the enshrinement of ashes.

Summary

This time, we conducted a survey on "funerals" and introduced the results.

For the amount of condolence money, about one in three people decided based on "relationship with the deceased" and about one in three decided based on "general market price."

Some people also decide the amount based on the relationship with the deceased while also considering the general market price.

As for return gifts for condolence money, "catalog gifts" and "food items that one wouldn't buy themselves" were the most common results.

Catalog gifts are good because they allow recipients to choose what they like, so they don't end up with unwanted items.

Conversely, about 10% of people had the experience of receiving bulky items or items they didn't like, which caused them trouble.

It is important to consider the recipient when deciding on a return gift for condolence money.

14.6% of people have been unsure about funeral attire etiquette, with uncertainties regarding bags to match mourning clothes and accessories that are not impolite.

Since funerals are not attended frequently, it's possible to be unsure about attire etiquette.

In such cases, consulting with a funeral home might be a good option.

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- Indicate that the source is a "survey by NEXER Group Inc. and Murata Funeral Home" - Install a link to Murata Funeral Home (https://www.murata-group.co.jp/)

- Install a link to the relevant article (https://www.murata-group.co.jp/葬儀の香典3人に1人以上が金額は故人との関係/)

[About Murata Funeral Home]

Address: 6-4-5 Minatocho, Matsuyama City, Ehime Prefecture, 790-0012 TEL: 089-941-4444 Toll-free: 0120-33-4444

[About NEXER Group Inc.] Head Office: Rise Arena Bldg. 11F, 4-5-2 Higashi-Ikebukuro, Toshima-ku, Tokyo, 171-0013 Representative Director: Yuya Miyata URL: https://www.nexer.co.jp Business Activities: Internet research, SEO, web branding, review content, real shop support, website production