[Event Report] Japanese National Track Team's Nozomi Tanaka Holds Talk and Book Signing for Her First Book, "Poem of Hope," on March 26

Last year, leading up to the World Athletics Championships, I participated in quite a lot of races. During that time, I was writing down my thoughts like a diary in my phone's memo app. The writings covered a wide range of topics, and before I knew it, I had enough for a whole book. I actually thought it would be better not to show this to the public. I received an offer to publish around May of last year, but at that point, I didn't have the mental space to think about a book. However, the offer was extended again in October, and with the World Championships over and things having settled down, I thought, "If I miss this opportunity, all the things I've thought about might just become nothing." So, I decided to first try publishing the book and see what happens. Having my writing go out into the world is another way to connect with society, and I think I originally had a strong desire to "connect with the world."

I've been keeping a diary every day since about the third grade of elementary school. I've been continuously "writing" for a long time, so I think "writing" was a task I consciously started on my own around the same time as "running," or perhaps even earlier. Therefore, for me, it's a more natural process than running. Even now, writing helps me organize my thoughts, and as I write, words keep coming out, and I sometimes realize, "So this is how I was feeling," discovering a part of myself I didn't even know existed. So, in that sense, you could say it's about "switching gears," but I write to become aware of the self within me.

I think the biggest feeling is "I don't want to stop being myself." In continuing to compete, the connections with others and the world are irreplaceable, but even within that, I believe there's absolutely a part of "myself that I must not lose."

Lately, I rarely go into races with high motivation, so it's close to say I haven't been able to maintain it. For the past year or so, maybe because I've accumulated too many experiences, or perhaps it's subconscious, I'm not sure if it's really true, but I've been in a state where "I already know I'm going to lose before the race even starts." It's not a matter of "what if I lose," but "going even when I know I will lose," which makes motivation extremely difficult. However, for the recent race in Poland (World Indoor Championships), maybe partly because I knew I could release my book when I returned, I was able to face it head-on until the end for the first time in a while.

In the book, I think there are many scenes of escapist thinking, like having no choice but to sleep because I know I'm going to lose, or running away from facing reality. But by taking an aggressive stance and thinking about what kind of effort would make me feel like I "fought to the very end" mentally, I realize that I still want to continue being myself. And by thinking about everything, including the me who loses, I think I can see what's next. I get depressed when I think about what's right in front of me, but even so, I feel I have no choice but to keep moving forward because I want to find hope beyond that.