Yoichiro Kakitani opens up about the struggles of a 'genius fantasista' on 'Shikujiri Sensei': His honest feelings on Forlan's arrival, diagnosis of depression, and the words from his wife that led to his retirement

ABEMA, the new future television, aired the latest episode of the 'Shikujiri Sensei: Don't Be Like Me!!' variety show on Friday, May 29th, at 9:30 PM. The show features 'teachers' who have experienced major failures in the past and share their experiences as life lessons.

■ Yoichiro Kakitani reveals his true feelings about Forlan's arrival: 'Who are you?' and frustration with being treated as a 'double ace'

In the broadcast on May 29th (Friday), former Japan national team member Yoichiro Kakitani delivered the second half of his lecture, 'The failure of a fantasista hailed as a genius.' He talked about the crisis situation after returning to Cerezo Osaka, the failures that mid-career and veteran players tend to make, and the special thoughts hidden behind his retirement from active play.

Kakitani returned to Cerezo Osaka and wore the number '8' jersey, a symbol of the club. However, immediately after, the club announced the addition of Diego Forlan, the 2010 South Africa World Cup top scorer. Amidst the spotlight as 'double aces,' Kakitani admitted, 'Couldn't I have done it alone?' He recalled his feelings at the time, stating, 'Because I had more confidence in my position at Cerezo Osaka than anyone else, even with Forlan, the World Cup top scorer, I felt like, "Who are you? This is my place."' He confessed his complex emotions, saying, 'Because Forlan was there, I didn't want someone who stood out more than me,' and 'People came to get Forlan's autograph, not mine.' Regarding his relationship with Forlan, he said, 'I was clearly conscious of him. We barely talked.'

Afterwards, Kakitani transferred to the prestigious Swiss club Basel with the thought of wanting to make Cerezo regret letting him go. He recalled, 'Even though I was playing at Basel, my head was constantly thinking about how Cerezo viewed me.' He continued to make mistakes, as he couldn't concentrate on his own play due to his 'obsession with Cerezo,' leading to boos from fans. He reflected on that time, saying, 'The level I went there with that level of preparation wasn't something I could succeed with.'

■ Hyperventilation on the way to the practice field: 'I can't breathe.' Diagnosed with 'depression' and feeling 'I am such a weak person'

Then, when Cerezo Osaka was relegated to J2 and Forlan left, Kakitani received an offer to return to the club. He personally petitioned, 'Please make me captain. I will definitely win for the team.' He recalled, 'Just wearing the "number 8" wasn't enough. With the resolve to carry everything on my shoulders, I told them, "I will bring this team up to J1."

However, after becoming captain, he suffered a serious injury—a torn ligament and avulsion fracture—from trying to 'carry everything.' His performance declined as he kept playing while hiding the injury, and he started venting his frustrations on others due to his overly strong pride in being 'Cerezo's number 8,' which led to intensified malicious comments and threats. He even revealed that he received 'death threats.'

During this time, he experienced hyperventilation on his way to the practice field, finding it impossible to breathe. Recalling being taken to the hospital after medical staff told him, 'It's happening because you're putting so much pressure on yourself and carrying everything alone. You should leave the clubhouse for a while,' he confessed he was diagnosed with 'depression' at the hospital. He also shared his state of mind at the time, revealing that the doctor told him he should quit soccer, leading him to think, 'Am I such a weak person?' and 'I wonder if this is when people realize they might die.'

■ Saved by his wife's words, he decided to retire: 'Why don't you quit? It's okay.' His wife's words that saved him from the fear of quitting soccer

At the end of the class, he touched upon his 'retirement.' Although he continued to play for Nagoya Grampus and Tokushima Vortis, he couldn't play the way he wanted due to injuries, and in his second year at Tokushima Vortis, he was no longer part of the team's plans. He was forced into a situation where he had no choice but to desperately search for his next team. It was then that his wife told him, 'Why don't you quit? It's okay,' which he says became a major turning point. 'I had been playing soccer for over 30 years since I was 4, and I thought the only way to make my family happy was through soccer. I was afraid to quit,' he admitted. He said, 'My wife, who had never interfered with my soccer before, finally patted me on the back and said that, and I was saved by those words.' Furthermore, his wife had also told him, 'You didn't look like you were enjoying soccer,' and 'I could tell you were suffering through it.'