Yuki Kashiwagi Makes First Media Confession of Past Truancy: "It Was Barely Bearable If I Didn't Go..." Struggles Despite Ranking 3rd in Election, and Her Battle With a 1-in-100,000 Rare Disease

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The new future TV platform "ABEMA" broadcasts "ABEMA Entame," a news program delivering carefully selected entertainment information on the "ABEMA NEWS Channel."

"Re:MAKE ~Dear You Back Then~," an original segment of "ABEMA Entame," is a self-documentary feature where guests face photographs from past turning points in their lives and send messages to their "former selves." In this episode, former AKB48 member and talent Yuki Kashiwagi made an appearance, speaking candidly about her previously unrevealed past of refusing to go to school, her struggles during her time in AKB48, and her battle with a rare illness. This footage is currently streaming on "ABEMA."

(Streaming URL: https://abema.tv/video/episode/89-116_s45_p3)

■ Yuki Kashiwagi Makes First Media Confession of Past Truancy: "It Was Barely Bearable If I Didn't Go..."

Raised in Kagoshima Prefecture, Kashiwagi reflected on her childhood, saying, "Up until kindergarten and elementary school, I really liked standing out," describing herself as a young girl who loved being in front of people. However, her environment drastically changed when she entered junior high school. "There were incredibly cute girls, and girls who were great at dancing, and I realized, 'I'm nowhere near that level at all,'" she shared. The turning point came when some students told her, "You're so uncool," and "Isn't your curly hair too much?" which led her to confess, "I steadily lost my confidence..."

She then revealed her past truancy for the first time: "I thought it would be too tough for this to continue every day at school. I realized it was barely bearable if I just didn't go, so I chose not to attend school." At home, she recalled, "I would browse the internet from morning until late at night, researching idols and watching videos." Looking back on those days, she noted, "I think almost none of the students at my junior high school remember Yuki Kashiwagi today."

Amidst this, harboring the thought, "Maybe I could change if I became an idol," she auditioned for Morning Musume about five times during her three years in junior high. Afterward, she applied for an AKB48 audition she found in a magazine. Despite facing opposition from her parents, she spent a year persuading her mother and successfully joined AKB48 as a 3rd generation member.

▼ Video
[First Confession] "You're Uncool" Heartless Comments Led to Truancy in Junior High: Former AKB48's Yuki Kashiwagi's "Life With Idols as Her Hope"

■ Ranking 3rd in the General Election but Skipped During Music Shows: "I Just Kept Getting Hurt"

After joining AKB48 at 15, Kashiwagi said she operated under the mindset of, "It's not good for me to stand out," and "I hope I'm not shown on camera." She recalled handshake events in regional areas where, glancing at the fervent fans of Atsuko Maeda and Yuko Oshima, "I still vividly remember everyone giving me a look that said, 'Who is this person anyway?'"

Feeling like "I haven't achieved anything," Kashiwagi chose to make "working hard at handshake events" her personal weapon, continuously facing each fan with absolute sincerity.

Her efforts bore fruit, propelling her to 3rd place in the general election during her fourth year in AKB48. However, she said her confusion outweighed her joy: "I couldn't have imagined it myself at all. I felt apologetic, thinking the staff must believe 'we messed up.'" Furthermore, on music programs, "When we lined up in order of our ranks to speak, it was like, 'Atsuko Maeda-chan, Yuko Oshima-chan... and who?'" confessing that she was sometimes skipped entirely. She revealed her true feelings of distress: "Even though I managed to rank 3rd, I just kept getting hurt more and more. I thought, 'If I just hadn't stood out so much, this wouldn't have happened...'"

It was the presence of Atsuko Maeda and Yuko Oshima that changed Kashiwagi. Regarding the bangs she used to hide her face, they told her, "You should show your face as much as possible, it's better to have people remember your face," and "Stop doing this to your hair." She recounted that the moment they actually tucked her hair behind her ears became the catalyst for her to gain confidence.

■ "I Want to Return to AKB48": True Feelings Pouring Out During Battle With 1-in-100,000 Rare Disease

As she continued her activities as a core member of AKB48 and entered her late 20s, Kashiwagi faced increasing comments asking, "When are you going to graduate?" Amidst this, Yasushi Akimoto asked her, "Why don't you try staying until you're 30?" Just as she felt she had "found a reason to stay in AKB48," she was diagnosed with an "intramedullary spinal cord tumor," a condition said to affect only 1 in 100,000 people.

Following surgery, she was forced into a difficult situation where "I couldn't even walk properly, couldn't eat meals, and couldn't hold anything..." She admitted she felt, "I didn't have a trigger to quit, so maybe this was just fate." However, she revealed that seeing an AKB48 performance on TV while hospitalized without her made her strongly feel, "I want to return to AKB48 as soon as possible."